I am spending my child support on dildos
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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