How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
