Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
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