If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
