it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize