i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
