well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
