i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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