Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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