He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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