In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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