I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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