She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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