I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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