The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
