my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
