Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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