Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
