last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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