If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
