if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
