i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize