I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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