i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
