dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
