Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
