I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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