I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize