I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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