YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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