I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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