it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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