a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
