i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
