he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize