why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
