Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
