So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Boobs speak an international language.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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