Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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