we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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