Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
