I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
