I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
