8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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