The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
