I puked a lego.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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