my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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