just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize