made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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