just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
