I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
