Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
