id be glad to
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
