And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Randomize
