The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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