We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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