kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Two words: nipple clamps
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