I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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