I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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