we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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