This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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