matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
