You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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