So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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